New world order

I think one of the hardest things about medical school (besides, you know, being really hard work) is that the standards of measurement change so drastically. Medical students all come from a background of academic success; otherwise we wouldn't have gotten into medical school in the first place. But once you are actually IN medical school, it's just not possible for all of us overachievers to keep being the best.

So it's been an adjustment to try to be satisfied with managing to be merely average, and trying to be happy with "above average" when that means an 86%, when the average was 84%. I told myself this year that (after pass/fail grading last year), I wasn't going to get caught up in always trying to be the best; I was going to try to be reasonable with my expectations. But I don't think it's worked. Maybe the worst thing is that I feel like I spend every waking moment studying, but it's still not enough. I'm not really sure what I could have done that would have pushed that 86% up to the 88% it would have taken to get an A in CV (which has a massive curve, if you couldn't guess).

But I felt this way last year, too, especially at the beginning. So, I'm still holding out hope, that as I get used to the new rhythm, I'll inch closer to the top of the heap. But, really, in a class of all stars, middle of the heap's probably not so bad.

After all, what is it they say? "What do you call the person who graduates last from medical school? Doctor. " One day, I'm sure, I won't care what grades I got, but right now, it hurts a little not to be the best.